A Pinch of Salt

C: Let me start by saying, maybe, I'm a little bit of a mama's boy. That said, cooking is sort of an expertise of mine. Whether it's breakfast, lunch or dinner, I deliver. Once in while I'll refer to recipes, but typically I like to trial cook. Some of my best dishes are a result of just going with it. I went to school to teach art, but if you thought I went for culinary, I wouldn't be upset.

M: Let me start by saying his mother told me I had to be honest with him about his cooking... no matter how much I wanted to avoid hurting his feelings. I won't lie - knowing that he would be responsible for most of the meals once we moved in together was a bit terrifying. I knew, and he acknowledged, that he had never really cooked before. But what else were we to do? He gets out of work before I do and so it was only fair that he be the one to cook meals. The conversation during which we came to this loving compromise might have involved me saying something along the lines of You better have dinner ready by the time I get home or I'm outta here!... But that's irrelevant. Now, I'll give him some credit. He was diligent about his domestic duties. I've never eaten so much cereal and salad in my life... for breakfast, lunch, and dinner. He sure does deliver. There were a few soggy/soupy plates of rice, to which I responded Great job, babe! There were also some leathery steaks, to which I exclaimed Delicious! I mean, what more could I really say? I did appreciate the fact that he was trying and the one time I attempted assisting him in the kitchen (out of love... for our taste buds), he sucked his teeth, threw up his utensils and stormed out of the kitchen. I vowed I would just continue to eat whatever yummy and stomach-threatening concoction he came up with. Until he made oatmeal... with about as much salt as the Dead Sea. After a gag or two, I attempted to give my usual Wow, this is so good! but the cement in my mouth wouldn't allow for it. I could feel all the water I had ever drank evaporating. Before my body completely shriveled up, I spit out the oatmeal and yelled For the love of God stop cooking and get some help! I don't remember what happened after that. I passed out due to rapid dehydration.

Update: We are proud to announce that C is still cooking, it is in fact going well, and no one has died of food poisoning. We would like to thank the recipe books and Mama C for her culinary tips and coaching.